whodidi16877

07:53 am: happy,
Whoever wrote that comment about me not being happy. Thats crap. I am happy im happier than i have ever been. and how about you talk to me so you would know.
thanks.

03:31 am: vacation.
Oh yea. im taking a fucking vacation, i am kidnapping my boyfriend (Ben Jarvis <3) and we are going to vegas because i need a break from this crazy ass place... ironic isn't it?

03:21 am: I hate drugs.
I hate drugs. HATE DRUGS. you all dont understand because the dare program isnt that thourough. Let me tell you a lil something about friends on drugs... they suck. I hate it! Esp. when they quit... and start. Starting isnt as bad tho... u see they really like it when they start... in the middle .. they are ok and start to zone out and what not...But the quitting. THats the worst.. when they need it. U know when the people u love are down and sad? And ud do anything to help them... well try helping drug withdrawl... u cant. not unless your a white powder... and im not. Fuck drugs. Fuck them ALL. and you know what else. I am going to compose a list of things i hate one day... but itd be way to long for this stupid website. its not weird enough. not yet... life has yet to be so completely fucked up that i cant bear it.. i keep coming back. Because im a fucking trooper. I will die before i give up. And hopefully i wont give up and die at the same time.. because i wanna go out kicking life in the ass. Because i own it. And i control it. Yes. And i choose to fucking hate drugs.

11:43 am: Recently ive realized that my life is just to goddamn fucked up for a life journal. if u want to really be introduced to my three ring circus of hell... just call me up; we'll have a cup of coffeee and smoke... even if u do neither, when u hear this you will probably start... yea. definately.
-Bethany

06:50 am: So I guess me and jill arent friends,, all this stupid shit started happening. and somehow i got stuck in the middle, again. So it all started... when i heard that Kyle made out with some chick(that wasnt me). (Which ended up being complete and total bullshit... some girls are just too much.) So anyway, the story was that kyle made out with some chick, and then everyone started sayin stuff to me balablblabla, then the story got twisted around a whole bunch.. thus becoming a rumor blablablabl the usual. anyway, i ended up breaking up with him, just for like a day tho. lol. now me and kyle we are fine and dandy and i love him soooooo much! but anyway. Last saturday, i went over my friend Phil's house. And it was a seriously great time. Except Jill and Phil, they dont get along so well, cuz thats her ex boyfriend. And everytime jill talks to phil, its like she sets her self up for dissapointment. And i dont know if any of u could sit back and watch someone u really had a concern for just continually set themselves up for failure, but i cant. Phil and I are cool, i have nothing against him at all. So he invites me and kyle to go to his house and hang out and do fun stuff. Jill calls me up the next day and i told her i was at phil's. BUT THEN she gives me the third degree, asking me who talked shit about her blablabla, u know classic ex-spousal behavior, yea thats fine whatever. So she calls up phil, and says "i heard you were talking shit" and phil automatically assumes i told her all this crap. (cuz we were friends you know>?) well thats not true at all. At the very least, i gave her the most general statements ever created... i am definatly not out to be a narc by any means. But jill took it too far and left all these crazy ass messages on my voice mail saying very bad things, of which i cannot repeat in livejournal! This highschool bullshit needs to stop i just wanna leave. So she ended up calling me like 987487689 times, and shes like, after school im coming to get my stuff. (the stuff that has been taking up space in my house for god knows how long) So. i put all her stuff in a garbage bag! AND after school today she'll get it. My room has been exterpated of all things jill. And thats ok. And as i sit here, getting drunk off Mountain Dew, i realize that sometimes people just need to shut the fuck up.

07:48 pm: Is it ok if i dont want to do anything? i just dont want to do anything. I dont want to go to college. i dont want to get a job. i just want to live off of my parents for my life. and they can buy everything for me. and thatd be great. and i just dont want to do anything...
i dont think i have a choice. i have to go to college and leave everybody who loves me. fuck college. fuck it in the ass. and itll like it. sick.

11:26 pm: The shot heard round the world.
I think this is the first time i understand what i think: .. i think that maybe i got my trigger pulled,,, and now im free. finally free from a prison that i made in my own mind. now i feel like i can do what i want to do.. and im not scared anymore... maybe bad things do happen for a reason. maybe i needed to be set off... and this really was the shot heard round the world, and the damn world deserved it. because it turned against me.

My response to Heather:
I understand what you mean completely. Unfortunatly i too, hide most of my emotions(if not all), but your wish will come true if u keep burying them.. it will turn into physical pain. Pretty soon, you wont be able to sleep or eat, and then ur stomach will be a mess because u may develop an ulcer since u cant sleep u drink caffeine to wake u up, and that doesnt help the ulcer which started by stress in the first place and then u stop drinking caffiene, but then u realize your addicted and cant really live without it,then ur just to far in to ever get out. Then its over... i dont know how to describe it. One day you wake up. and you know its over. You dont feel the need for the substances, you dont feel anything... in fact u getting numbing releif, just long enough for you to sort out what youve been really feeling for the longest time and were just to afraid, or ashamed to say. Then, something happens, anything at all, any trigger, then u snap and all the emotions come pouring out of u in an infuriating rage of terror, and passion, and overwhelming sadness and you cant do anything about it and u wish someone would just be right there and they arent. Until someone calls you... and hears you... then they know... then they come. And through other people... is how you will be freed from yourself.

11:13 pm: Have any of u ever thought that maybe the world has suddenly decided to turn against you? I honestly think that is whats going on... Greg says that all bad stuff happens at once... but i think the reality is that good stuff is still happening while bad stuff happens... we just cant see it. Cuz of the whopping pile of shit that has been dumped on us. But maybe i just need to relax... yea. that sounds good. relaxing. i havent hung out with my friends for so long because of interpersonal conflicts and stupid people. I just miss them, and i think im getting depressed... cuz they are my family. and now they are just gone. And i dont think i can stand to lose anybody else you know? I think that may be the reason i just feel restless all the time... or maybe its because the planets are out of orbit, or the tsunami caused me to get all outta funk, or maybe the world really is... turned against me.

02:26 am: Jag fångade en räv en dag men räven gled ur näven, men lika glad är jag för det men gladast är nog räven!!!!HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH MARIA THATS THE COOLEST EVER. I MISS U SO MUCH. SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH. OMG.

OKI SO. people that basically is the coolest swedish text ever created... im not translating.
SO next, life has kicked ass. i dont know everything seems to be ok... and i just feel like a pretty princess again.. prettier than all the other princesses. Kyle does that sometimes... :-*

12:42 am: MARIA- Tell Mischa i saya Tjenare... lol! he'll get it... you are damn right it stays.... i cant get in trouble in america... people wont forget hahahah
Hur ar Linus och Erik??? HAHHAHAHAHAH Jag alskar dig sisse kommer bak te usa ! Jag alskar Kyle .... jag saya it. LOL. Dig prata Scott? How was Eygpt?
OH and dig inte prata sugar misha peanis oki?L0L0L0L0L0L0L0l0l00L0L0L0L